It’s 4:00 am. I’ve been awake since 2:00, thinking, and writing didn’t quite get everything off my chest.
It’s partly about the concept of “home.” I don’t have one, you see. Well, yes, I have the type that you live in, and a very nice one it is; I’m very happy in it. But I don’t have a home town, or even a home country.
This is baffling to Italians.
“Where are you from?” they ask.
“I’m American,” I answer, hoping against hope that this will be enough to close the topic.
It never is. For an Italian, you can’t simply be “from” a whole country, you have to have a paese, a hometown. “But which part of America?” they persist.
“But where are you from?” they insist (“Ma tuo paese qual’é?”)
“Well, I was born in New Orleans.” That works; everyone’s heard of New Orleans, and the ones who haven’t been there already would like to go. Me, too. I left when I was two, visited once or twice after that, but the last time was about 25 years ago. So I don’t feel the right to claim any attachment to it.
No paese, and not much nationality, either. It’s that whole TCK thing – disguised as American, but really not one, so I have a hard time feeling comfortable in my supposed home country.
I was already thoroughly discombobulated by the time I got to Woodstock School, at age 14, so it’s no wonder that I fell in love with the place and sunk roots there, as far as I was able. This happens with many Woodstockers. Some of us were fleeing from messed-up homes, some came from places where their parents worked but couldn’t raise or educate children. Some went into boarding so young that they never really had a family life, except for a few months of vacation every year. Woodstock became their home, as it did mine; staff became surrogate parents (a role which many carried out with amazing grace and generosity), and our schoolmates were (and remain) our siblings and best friends. Many of us continue to feel that Woodstock is in some fundamental sense our home, or at least where we “come from,” for the rest of our lives. But we don’t usually try to explain that to new acquaintances; it’s just too complex a story to tell in a few sentences.
I wrote about how “during my senior year, I got interested in the community around us, Mussoorie and Landour.” This was part of a deliberate, though perhaps unconscious, campaign to make Mussoorie, as well as Woodstock, mine – just before I left it. This was unusual behavior for a Woodstocker. The majority of students in my day had no ties in the town beyond commercial ones; when I dreamed up the Mussoorie history project, my homeroom teacher Mrs. Kapadia was enthusiastic – so few students showed any interest in the town. Their explorations, if any, went in the other direction, out to the Garhwal Himalayas. I was an anti-hiker, so that avenue was closed to me, but I walked and walked – all over Mussoorie, and beyond. I had friends in town, and avidly pursued its history, as well as its current life at all levels.
I’m not saying I got very far into Mussoorie society, but at least I tried. So, by the time I graduated, I felt I had some rights to claim “ownership” of Mussoorie, as well as Woodstock, in a way I never could any other community in the world. I don’t claim that India is my home, nor even Mussoorie, but Woodstock is the one place in the world where I’m never a stranger. Perhaps my involvement in this history book is partly about ensuring that my visceral connection to Woodstock and Mussoorie continues, and that I continue to be remembered there.
In the past year, with a daughter struggling in middle school, I’ve had occasion to reflect on the various evils of various educational systems. And of course Woodstock School is much on my mind, as I consult live and printed sources to try to understand what makes that particular school great, preparatory to writing a book about it. I don’t have any answers – I surely wish I did! – just many questions.
My own scholastic experience was vast and varied. By the time I finished high school, I had attended 10 schools, all of them quite different from each other. Some were good, some were not. At the time I was hardly a reflective participant in the process, but I’ve been thinking it over, trying to pinpoint what made the difference between the good schools and the bad ones.
Mrs. Stevens’ School, Bangkok
Mrs. Stevens’ School, where I attended 1st and 2nd grade in Bangkok, was a small, private school run by an Anglo-Indian woman. I don’t know what her qualifications were, but I remember being enthralled by the number of children’s books she had. (It wasn’t easy to get English-language books in Bangkok in those days, so I owned very few, and was an avid reader.) When prospective new students and their parents came to see the school, Mrs. Stevens would trot me out to read for them as an example of what could be achieved. I dimly realized that there was something fishy about this: shehadn’t taught me to read – my mother had.
Although I was a biddable child, Mrs. Stevens couldn’t tame my hair. Straight, fine, and prone to tangles, it hung down in a floppy fringe (bangs, to you Americans) that got in my eyes, so I was constantly pushing it back while reading to impress the parents. Mrs. Stevens felt that this distracted from my performance, and nagged me to tell my parents to have my hair cut. I don’t know whether I failed to report this message (forgetfulness? rebellion?), or they failed to act on it, but finally she could bear it no longer, so she cut my hair herself, badly. That was too much for my parents, so I left her school.
International School Bangkok (ISB)
I then attended the International School Bangkok (ISB). At the time, due to the large population of servicemen’s families and other US government employees in Thailand to support the war in Vietnam, the students and teachers were mostly American. We were given a smattering of Thai language and culture, but for all practical purposes we could have been in any school in the US.
For 3rd grade I had a crotchety old lady teacher who should have retired earlier. She was the cause of my first overt rebellion against authority. We were supposed to do library research about George Washington; I failed to see the charm or the point, and told her I’d rather do research on someone I actually cared about, such as my own father.
For 4th grade, I took part in/was subjected to an educational experiment. Four 4th-grade classes were put together with four teachers in one enormous room, where we would circulate to different areas for different subjects. This was known as the “pod” system.
What were they thinking? One hundred nine-year-olds in a single room? It was chaos. But I appreciated that; it was easy to get lost in the crowd. I could slip away from subjects I didn’t like, such as math, and hide behind a partition with my best friend Kathy, where we would read or draw or write stories. I remember liking some of the teachers, especially Mrs. Johnson, even though she did teach math. She wrote a note on my report card which has achieved the status of family legend: “We will all be glad when Deirdré decides that math is here to stay.”
Liberty School, Pittsburgh
Then my parents divorced, and my father and I moved to Pittsburgh, where he would go to graduate school. He didn’t have much money, so we lived in an apartment in an iffy part of town, and I went to Liberty, the local public school.
The change was catastrophic. I had been living in a huge house in Bangkok, with a big yard, two maids (who also acted as nannies to my infant brother), three cats, three kittens, two dogs, fish, a snake, two parents, and a baby brother. I suddenly found myself alone in an apartment with my dad.
Living with Dad was fine, though we ate a lot of tuna casserole, and I had to wash all the dishes. The problem was that I had nothing in common with the kids at school, who mostly talked about football, baseball, and hockey. They thought me an awful snob when I talked about my life in Thailand, the only life I had known. I was different, so they teased me. In response, I showed off my intelligence; that was a certainty I clung to, about the only one I had left.
I continued to rebel against authority. I refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, then standard practice in some American schools. “Under God”? I didn’t believe in God. “One nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all?” My parents had been involved in the Civil Rights movement in Louisiana and Texas in the 1960s; even at age ten, I knew how little truth there was to “liberty and justice for all” in America.
I survived 5th grade, and even made a couple of close friends, so I started 6th grade at Liberty willingly enough. But someone in authority had had a bright idea: put the slower 7th and 8th graders in the same classes as the faster 6th graders. I was one of the latter. The older kids of course resented being lumped in with younger kids and publicly branded as stupid, so they sought to put us in our place. My instinct for self-preservation not being well-developed, I reacted to their teasing, letting them know that I was a lot smarter than they were. The abuse rapidly became physical. I came home one day bruised all down one side of my body, from being slammed against a locker in the hall by an older girl who didn’t like my attitude. My dad withdrew me from the school.
Shady Lane, Pittsburgh
I then went to Shady Lane, an “alternative” school. Classes were small and the atmosphere generally pleasant and cooperative, but I was scared by now, and tended to avoid most of my classmates. I read a lot (something that teachers always liked), and I don’t remember being made to do too much that I didn’t like academically, though I did finally conquer fractions. And I met Anna Levy, destined to remain my best friend for several years.
Shortly after Christmas, however, my dad was hospitalized as a result of some gastrointestinal bug he’d picked up in Mexico the previous summer. I had spent that summer with my aunt Rosie in Texas, and it was to Rosie that I now returned. She lived (and still does) in the country, outside the tiny town of Coupland, then famous for its barbecue.
Coupland School, Coupland Texas
I joined Coupland School, where the 5th and 6th grades were taught by a single teacher in one classroom, and even so there were only about 12 of us in the room. By this time I was so afraid of my peers that it took me a long time to realize that these kids genuinely meant to be kind to me. I spent recess and lunch periods in hiding, reading.
We participated in a regional spelling bee. I didn’t make a single mistake, so when it came time to give prizes for our age group, I waited expectantly. The man giving the prizes picked up the blue ribbon, glanced at the name on the back, frowned, and put it down. He then went through all the others, down to sixth place, and my name was never mentioned. I stepped forward and pointed to the blue ribbon. “I think that’s mine,” I said. It was; he just hadn’t known how to pronounce my name.
Ellis School, Pittsburgh
In late April I returned to Pittsburgh for my dad’s wedding to Nancy, and didn’t go to school for the remainder of that academic year. For September, my dad had somehow got me into Ellis School, an expensive private girls’ school where he had been working part-time in the library. They suggested that, since my previous school year had been very disrupted and Ellis was academically demanding, I should repeat the sixth grade. I don’t recall minding this particularly; I was emotionally less mature than my peers, and felt better able to cope with slightly younger girls.
Ellis was where I finally got to grips with a lot of things, including math. Within a few months I was sailing through all the work, usually getting my homework done in class while the teacher was still lecturing. I liked the English teacher, who didn’t mind that during her classes I drew stories in picture form; she even asked me to hang them up and explain them to the class. NB: I could and did listen while I drew; drawing helps me concentrate on what I’m hearing.
I liked the music teacher, who let us sing songs from musicals. Science class was also excellent: we built electrical circuits, and for human anatomy there was a dummy torso that you could open up and take out the organs, stuck in on brass pins, to see how it all fit together.
Ellis had the excellent facilities and equipment you’d expect of an expensive school, but perhaps what really made the difference was that the teachers took a real interest in the students. The English teacher took us to see a local production of “Camelot,” and I laughed at Lancelot’s arrogance in the song “C’est Moi.” The teacher said to me gently: “Maybe your classmates sometimes see you that way.” I thought that over. Maybe they did. I still defended myself from teasing by letting the teasers know that, whatever might be weird about me, I was certainly smarter than they were.
Reizenstein, Pittsburgh
My dad couldn’t afford another year of Ellis, so for 7th grade I went back into the public school system. I was bused to a newly-built school, Reizenstein. Since the school was brand new, we had the opportunity to determine important things like a name for the sports teams. Which was a stumper: what goes with “Reizenstein”? The principal liked “The Rise-and-Shiners,” but we all thought that was stupid.
Reizenstein, with all its newness, seemed to hold out hopes of a better school experience for me: at this school, everyone was a new kid. I was put into accelerated reading classes and a “gifted and talented” program. This was cool; there were only five or six of us in the class, and we learned to dance the tarantella. I wondered about the academic value of this (though I now live in Italy, it’s a skill I’ve never needed), but didn’t complain: it beat being bored and teased in regular classes.
I still had problems with my peers. I was far from being racist, but many black girls seemed to have it in for me. After a verbal battle with one, we both ended up in the principal’s office. In the midst of his thoughtful lecture about getting along, we gave each other sidelong glances, sharing a moment of solidarity over how unlikely this was to resolve anything.
The school launched a busy program of extra-curricular activities. I was thrilled at the chance to participate in a production of “Oliver!” We first listened to the songs and were told the story, then it was time for auditions, singing one of the two songs we had learned. After auditioning several dozen kids, the teacher decided there wasn’t any more time; she would assign the parts, and the rest of us would be in the chorus. This was unfair, especially to me: I already knew all the songs by heart. So I insisted on auditioning, sang a song the group hadn’t yet learned, and was awarded the role of Bett (a minor part, but a step up from the chorus).
Unfortunately, only a week or two later I learned that we would be moving to Connecticut, where my dad had a new job as director of a drug rehabilitation program. So I never got to be in the show.
West Rocks Middle School, Norwalk CT
Dad’s job was in Westport, a wealthy bedroom community for NYC executives, whose kids had enough money to buy expensive drugs. For parties, these kids would clear out their parents’ medicine cabinets, dumping all sorts of pills into a punch bowl, from which they would swallow them by the handful. By the time they reached the hospital, it was difficult for the doctors to know how to treat them… but I digress.
Dad worked in Westport, but we lived in Norwalk, a far less glamorous town, where I attended West Rocks Middle School. As usual, I made one or two good friends, and was brutally teased by everybody else. I had a few good teachers. Mr. Aylmer, an Irishman somehow transplanted to Connecticut, was an inspiration for social studies. I scandalized the class by reporting on a controversial article about how fast food wasn’t good for you, a fact that my classmates did not want to believe. (They’d have been even more shocked had they known that the article was published in “Penthouse,” a magazine largely devoted to pictures of naked women.)
Another good teacher was Bruce Schwartz, for English, whose ambition was to write musicals – I could certainly empathize with that! Norwalk is only a short train ride from Broadway, so he took us to see some shows, including the wonderful original production of “The Wiz” (ignore the stupid movie with Diana Ross and Michael Jackson). Yes, I saw Hinton Battle on stage, 25 years before he played a singing, dancing demon on Buffy.
At the end of 7th grade, I auditioned for and won a place in a small, elite school choir for the following year, so I had that to look forward to when 8th grade began. But I never got to sing; within a few weeks of the school year beginning, it was decided that we would move to Bangladesh. Trying to explain this to my peers was interesting; they had never heard of Bangladesh. “It’s next to India,” I said. No light dawned. Finally one kid said brightly: “I know! You’re moving to Bangladesh, Indiana!” (It could have been worse: my dad had also been considered for a position in Ougadougou, in the country then called Upper Volta, now Burkina Faso.) What happened next was covered recently in Meta-History: I did 8th grade on my own by correspondence through the Calvert School, then I went off to boarding school.
Why Do We Have Schools, Anyway?
So… what can I distill from all these experiences, plus my far happier years at Woodstock?
I once read that school as we know it today was designed at the time of the industrial revolution, to teach people to work to a schedule and obey authority; this training was needed to turn independent farmers into factory employees (and soldiers).
In general terms, we assume that the purpose of school is to prepare people to be productive members of the economy. However, the economy is now moving so fast that it’s difficult to predict what precise skills will be needed. Many of us are now doing jobs that simply didn’t exist when we were in high school, or even college.
Some would say that an important role of school is socialization: teaching children the laws, rules, and norms of the society they live in. For those who don’t easily fit in, this can be a brutal process – brutality largely supplied by one’s peers. Children are naturally conservative, and seemingly take to heart the Japanese adage: “If a nail sticks out, hammer it down.”
Woodstock School, I believe, has the right answers to both preparation and socialization. The Woodstock experience taught us to respect and enjoy differences. And, between Woodstock and the international lives that most of us already led, we learned to embrace change. I’ll elaborate on these themes in future; both are important to the Woodstock 150th Anniversary book I’m working on (project abandoned by the school, at least at of 2007). And maybe we’ll find a way to apply the lessons of Woodstock in other schools.
The reason (well, excuse, really) for this trip to Mussoorie was to get started on a project for Woodstock School. The school will celebrate its 150th anniversary in 2004, an occasion which calls for a book of some sort. Detailed histories have previously been published, covering the period up to 1983, and a glossy picture book was produced a few years ago. The school has also recently published a collection of essays by alumni (yes, including me), and a book about alumni artists and their work. A group of alumni is working on a history made up of personal stories collected during reunions (see Living on the Edge).
So what could we do that would be new and different? And how can we attract a larger audience than the few thousand alumni, former staff, and families who are somehow personally connected to the school? And why me to head this up?
I puzzled over that last question, but, the further I get into this project, the more it seems that I was destined for it, in spite of a lot of things that I am not.
My connection with Woodstock, unlike others’, does not stretch back generations. The epitome of the old Woodstock family is the Alters: D. Emmet Alter was principal from 1940 to 43. One of his sons, Bob, graduated in 1943 and later returned to the school several times in several capacities, finally as principal from 1968 to 1979; he was instrumental in transforming the school into the international institution that it is today. Bob and Ellen Alter’s three sons (Steve, Joe, and Andy) all attended Woodstock; Steve, a novelist now teaching at MIT, wrote about it in All the Way to Heaven: An American Boyhood in the Himalayas.
Tom Alter, a nephew of Bob, took Indian citizenship and is now a well-known actor and cricket commentator, based in Mumbai. He married a woman who taught at Woodstock at one time. There are other significant Alters; I need to construct a family tree to sort them all out!
I had never heard of Woodstock until Bob and Ellen Alter came on a recruiting visit to Dacca, Bangladesh, around January of 1977. My family had arrived there in October of 1976 (my dad as local head of Save the Children), confidently expecting that I would be able to attend the American school in Dacca for the 8th grade. We were wrong. The school was so small that it had room for only 15 students per grade, and the 8th was already filled. We considered a Bangladeshi school (“English medium”, meaning that all teaching is done in English) but the standards were too different: they were way ahead of me on math and sciences, way behind me on English and writing.
So I began 8th grade work by correspondence, through the Calvert School in Maryland. I initially started it with another girl in the same plight as myself, being taught by her mother. That didn’t go too well, either: I didn’t like the mother.
This had been going on for a few weeks when the Alters appeared. Clearly, my school situation needed fixing, and Woodstock seemed like a good solution. All I remember about my meeting with them was being very concerned that I would be allowed to put up my own posters in my dorm room; I had carried those posters carefully from Pittsburgh to Connecticut to Dacca; they were part of my travelling “home.” The Alters assured me that I could stick up whatever I wanted in my room; I sought detailed advice on what sort of tape to bring.
My 9th grade year at Woodstock would begin in July of 1977, and, having gotten a late start, I had to finish 8th grade in a hurry. I abandoned my study partner and finished 8th grade at double the speed recommended by the Calvert School. I had some help with algebra from an American friend then living with us; otherwise, I did it all on my own (both my dad and stepmother were intensely involved with their own work).
I started 9th grade at Woodstock just in time to save my sanity. The four years I spent there nurtured me, gave me self-confidence, and helped to heal the wounds of my parents’ divorce and other upheavals. Years later, my therapist told me that if I hadn’t gone to Woodstock, I would probably have ended up “gibbering in a corner somewhere.” So my involvement with Woodstock, though it does not (yet) span generations, has been extremely important to me.
In my time, the school was undergoing an important demographic shift, from a student body composed largely of American and Canadian missionaries’ children (mish kids) to a more international mix. My own class represented the “ideal” of 1/3 North Americans (mostly mish kids) – 1/3 Indians – 1/3 Other.
As usual for me, I didn’t fit in with any particular group. In fact, I took pains to set myself apart from some, being vociferously atheist in a Christian school. Nor was I a typical Woodstocker in many other ways. Hiking was popular, given our stunning Himalayan environs, but after a horrible (for me) required 9th grade activity week trek, I never again went on any sort of organized hike.
The school is famous for its music program. I dutifully took piano lessons for three years, but was the despair of my teacher, combining beautiful, long-fingered piano hands with no musicality whatsoever. I gave up on choir after less than a semester because the music was boring.
But Woodstock is so all-embracing a community that I soon found my own niches and ways to contribute. I became a public works artist: I painted murals on the walls of the girls’ dorm; made large batiks to decorate the elementary school; was called upon to create Bottom’s ass’ head and the lion costume for “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” I was for a time editor of the school paper, and later president of the girls’ dorm. I worked on the yearbook. And, during my senior year, I got interested in the community around us, Mussoorie and Landour.
I originally had an ulterior motive. During Activity Week every autumn, students leave campus in chaperoned groups, in pursuit of activities that interest them: trekking, community service, tourism, sports, music, etc. The tradition was that seniors could set their own programs for Activity Week and go pretty much where they liked, or at least the boys could. For safety reasons, girls could only leave town with chaperoned groups, although they could do independent projects alongside whatever the group was doing. The only way for me to avoid supervision was to stay in Mussoorie and do some sort of project right there. So I elected to stay in a guest house near the school, and learn about Mussoorie and its history.
There wasn’t much printed material available in Mussoorie, so I had to get out and see things and talk to people. My homeroom teacher, a long-time staff member well integrated into the local community, arranged for me to meet some of Mussoorie’s leading lights, such as Ruskin Bond, a famous Anglo-Indian writer.
Though I reveled in my week of unsupervised freedom, I did not actually break any school rules. But I had some adventures, met lots of interesting people, and got better acquainted with some I already knew. Mr. Abhinandan, the tailor who had been making my clothes for years, invited me to his house for lunch. I hadn’t realized that, being strict Jains, he and his wife were prohibited from actually eating with me, so the lunch consisted of them serving me! Which was somewhat embarrassing, but the food was excellent, and I enjoyed talking with them.
So that was how my interest began in the town beyond the school.