I was recently interviewed for an article about third-culture kids, to be published in the Christian Science Monitor. In an hour,s taped phone conversation, Erik Olsen asked many questions, including: “Being an outsider in all cultures, how does that make you feel?” I thought for a moment, and said: “Superior.”
No doubt that statement will be quoted in the article. <wry grin> I tried to explain that, as outsiders in every culture, we TCKs see things with a more objective eye than insiders who are familiar only with their own culture*. This doesn’t mean that we despise every culture we encounter, or have nothing but criticism to offer. But it’s common for a TCK to think: “In country X they do this differently, and it seems to have certain advantages. Why couldn’t it be done that way here?” This is NOT the stereotypical case of ugly Americans who think that everything is better in America. In fact, most TCKs, including American ones, tend to criticize their “home” culture more than any other.
The problem is: no one wants to hear it. Cultures and countries often suffer from a form of groupthink in which “our way is best” or “we’ve always done it this way, why should we change?”And people resent criticism of their culture, however well-intended, from outsiders.
I was reminded of this when last week’s article about Italian Freedom Fighters got a few Italian backs up. I was accused (justifiably, for that article) of stereotyping Italians as a race of unrepentant scofflaws. Of course I don’t really believe that ALL Italians routinely break the law, though I do feel safe in asserting that a larger proportion of Italians than, say, Americans or Germans or Swiss, are inclined to disregard or evade laws that are inconvenient to them individually, such as those regarding taxes. This attitude goes all the way to the top in Italy, with consequences far beyond the embarrassment of having people in high government posts under indictment for tax evasion, bribery, and fraud.
I can take some ironic consolation in knowing that, if that article had been written by an Italian, many Italians would have leaped to agree with it. Italians (as they themselves have told me) are very fond of criticizing themselves and their country – but apparently it’s not okay for me to do it.
Then I received an irate email from an Italian woman living in England. She took exception to a number of my statements about the Italian education system, and pointed out how much better it is than the British or American systems. I will certainly grant that for the average American public school (I don’t know enough about the British to comment), but the point of most of my articles was not to compare the Italian system (favorably or un-) with other systems. We’re in Italy, and can’t afford the international schools even if we wanted to, so our daughter goes to Italian public schools which, while they have pluses, also have minuses – as is true of ANY school system.
What got to me about this lady’s email was her concluding sentence (originally in Italian): “Don’t denigrate the country in which you are a guest. As they tell me and my kids when we comment on England: ‘If you do’t like it, go back to your own country.’ ”
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this sort of statement, though it is a first for me in Italy. It raises some questions: At what point will I have a “right” to criticize? How long does it take to no longer be a “guest” but a member of the community? I’ve been in Italy for 14 years, my husband and daughter are Italian, I work for an Italian company. All that’s lacking is citizenship, and I could have that if I bothered to do the paperwork. At the very least, as a payer of Italian taxes, I have a right to complain when I’m not getting my money’s worth from state services – perhaps more so than the many Italians who evade taxes!
But, no matter how long I live here, there will always be Italians who will resent anything negative I have to say about Italy, and will invite me to “go home.” The sad irony is that the same thing happens at “home“ Americans are, on average, the LEAST tolerant of criticism of their culture, from insiders or outsiders. Many’s the time I was told: “If you don’t like it, you can just leave.” So I did.
And you still can hear me singin’ to the people who don’t listen,
To the things that I am sayin’, prayin’ someone’s gonna hear.
And I guess I’ll die explaining how the things that they complain about,
Are things they could be changin’, hopin’ someone’s gonna care.
I was born a lonely singer, and I’m bound to die the same,
But I’ve got to feed the hunger in my soul.
And if I never have a nickel, I won’t ever die ashamed,
‘Cause I don’t believe that no one wants to know.
Kris Kristofferson “To Beat the Devil”
Note: The term “culture,” as used by anthropologists, means (definition Webster’s): “the ideas, customs, skills, arts, etc. of a people or group, that are transferred, communicated, or passed along, as in or to succeeding generations.” Culture, in this sense, is a shared set of beliefs and behaviors, and does NOT refer to so-called “high culture,” e.g. art and music.
Four years ago, I wrote about the difficulties of making friends with Italians. I already had online (and offline) friends in Italy, but most of them were expats. I have Italian colleagues with whom I get along well at the office, but we don’t socialize outside (quite the opposite of my experience in American companies).
Turns out I was looking in the wrong places: I should have been seeking Italian friends in my other country beginning with I, the Internet.
I didn’t need more reading material, but these people are now friends, or on the way to becoming friends, so I’m genuinely interested in what they have to say. And I’m attending every offline get-together I can manage, to see the people I already know, and meet new ones.
Last night in Milan we had a Pandecena (see video) – so named because organized by Luca Conti, whose main blog is called Pandemia (cena = dinner). Italian netizens gather around Luca because he’s a highly influential and well-known Italian blogger, so a bunch of people who mostly had no previous acquaintance were happy to turn up at a dinner to meet him and each other. (NB: Upon meeting Luca, one also learns that he’s a thoroughly nice human being, so seeing him again is always a pleasure.)
To save me the hassle of commuting back to Lecco late at night after a long day (I had come in to the office early to avoid a train strike), Sara/Piperita had invited me to stay at her home in Milan. She issued this invitation although our acquaintance to date extended only to chatting briefly at the Girl Geeks dinner, and then some emails to organize a LikeMind event in Milan next Friday. This is extremely unusual behavior for an Italian: you just don’t up and invite strangers to stay at your house! (Well, I do, but I’m a weirdo and I’m not Italian.)
So I went over to Sara’s place after work to drop off my backpack, and spent an enjoyable couple of hours talking with her and her French husband. Aside: We could have spoken Italian or English equally comfortably – they have both spent a lot of time in England and are fluent in English as well as, of course, French (I don’t speak French, but can follow a lot of it).
I already knew that Italians who have travelled and lived outside Italy are generally more open to new people and experiences (this is also true of Americans and others who travel). It had not occurred to me (duh!) that there is naturally a strong correlation between Italians who have an active online life and Italians who travel. Like me, they have friends in other parts of the world, whom they keep up with via the Internet.
Which is not to say that every Italian online has travelled. But even those who have not exhibit a wide-eyed curiosity about the world very different from the average Italian attitude. Italy has one of the lowest rates of Internet use in the developed world (fewer than 50% of the population), because many Italians see no use in it except perhaps to buy cheap airline tickets. Most Italians are uninterested in making new friends after their school years, and, to these, the idea of making friends via the Internet is completely outlandish.
The Italians who are online, however, are open to – indeed, actively seek – new ideas and people. They’re the kind of people I enjoy knowing, and who enjoy knowing me.
Of course there’s the geek angle. People who show up to barCamps and so on are generally techies one way or another, or at least bloggers, so they find plenty of geek stuff to talk about. At last night’s dinner I heard far more about Python (a programming language) than I needed to know, and may have got myself into interpreting a speech (via video link) to be given by Alan Kay at Italy’s first PyCon, to be held in Firenze in June. (Modestamente parlando, they would have a hard time finding anyone better qualified than myself to do it. <grin>)
On the whole, it was a very enjoyable evening with a nice group of people, all of them Italian except me, some of whom are destined to become friends (not that I disliked anyone there – just talked to some more than others).
Two of my countries beginning with I, Italy and the Internet, are coming together – an unexpected but very happy development.
Alarm INAIL [Istituto Nazionale per l’Assicurazione contro gli Infortuni sul Lavoro – National Institute for Insurance against Accidents at Work]
SOS [Emergency] Accidents
at work
15 per day
With whom and how to
go to Rome
to the “Family Day”*
