Category Archives: bio

Shotgun Wedding 4: Justice of the Peace

I took a charter flight to Rome, full of Italians who had been on safari vacations in Tanzania and Kenya. I loved flying over Africa, looking down on the Sahara, a vast expanse of sand with some mysterious geographical features that I couldn’t identify. Then we flew over the Mediterranean. The Kenyan crew spoke no Italian, most of the passengers spoke no English. A steward asked me to make an announcement, in Italian, when we entered Italian airspace over Reggio Calabria. I didn’t speak much Italian at the time, so he had picked the one person on the plane incompetent for the task! Someone else was found to make the announcement, and a cheer went up from all the passengers. We had to circle Rome for a while, which was fun, as Rome has so many monuments that are easily identified from the air.

Enrico was thrilled to have me home safe with him, and the whole family was happy that I was pregnant. I had been a bit worried about this, since Enrico and I were not yet married. I had asked him on the phone how his family reacted when he had called them with the news. “My father was silent for a moment, then said ‘Benissimo!’ My brother said: ‘You just told me a few weeks ago that you’re getting married, now you’re pregnant. What next? You’re getting divorced?’ ”

Enrico’s grandmother was also thrilled at the prospect of her first great-grandchild. At family meals she would insist that I drink a glass of red wine: “It fortifies the blood.”

We worried that the baby might have been affected by the various vaccinations and preventive medicines I had taken for travel in Africa. Enrico found a birth defects hotline in the US which registered statistics and tried to correlate defects with exposure to various substances. They had no data to show any problems with the medicines I’d taken. After Ross was born they called again to see how she was, and were happy to add good news to their database: no defects whatsoever. Long before birth, Ross had already proved that she was robust: if bouncing around in a Land Rover in the Ngorongoro Crater didn’t cause a miscarriage, NOTHING was going to dislodge that baby. But I’m getting ahead of my story.

We spent a pleasant Christmas vacation with Enrico’s family and friends in Rome and other parts of central Italy. As a mother-to-be, I was pampered and spoiled by everybody, a unique experience in my life to date, which I enjoyed very much. (Expectant mothers: Enjoy any pampering you can get, while it lasts: after the baby is born, for the rest of your life, YOU will be expected to take care of EVERYBODY. Time off will be given only for hospital stays.)

In January I went back to Virginia (near DC) and resumed work, assuming that we would stick to our original plan: I would give up my job and move to New Haven (where Enrico was in grad school at Yale) in time for our late-May wedding party.

However, I needed health insurance (like millions of Americans, I did not have any, and the startup company I worked for was too small to offer it). Enrico was on the Yale health plan, and I could be, too, as soon as we were married. So I took a long weekend in mid-January to go to New Haven and get hitched.

We went to City Hall and got the papers, including a form for a required blood test (for syphilis, I believe). We found someplace nearby to do that quickly, while we filled in the marriage license, which had to be witnessed and signed by a Justice of the Peace. We had asked at City Hall where we could find one, and they gave us an address nearby.

The place proved to be the parole office, headed by a little old Italian-American woman of third-generation Amalfitani descent. Her waiting room was filled with rough-looking parolees, and clearly our request to be married was unusual for her. Overcome by sentiment, and fraternal pride at this handsome young Italian man with his glowingly pregnant bride-to-be, she made us promise never to divorce. Her two secretaries were called in as witnesses, all three of them sniffling at the romance of it all.

  1. The Italian Proposal
  2. Tanzania Surprise
  3. Coca-Cola, and an Ostrich
  4. Justice of the Peace

Secondary Sex Characteristics

Enrico just came back from his US trip with a copy of Playboy magazine. Not something he normally buys, but this issue features Charisma Carpenter, a long-time favorite from Buffy and “Angel,” more or less in the altogether.

The last time I saw the inside of a Playboy was over 20 years ago – back in the days when women had pubic hair. My dad used to have Playboy and Penthouse around the house, and let me look at them. I read them for the articles – doesn’t everybody? <grin> Actually, I mostly read them for the jokes and cartoons, but of course I couldn’t help noticing the naked women.

My early exposure to nekkid pictures never did me any harm that I could tell, but I did conclude that I would never be shown naked in one of those magazines. Not because I had strong feelings against it, but because I didn’t have enough hair (on my head). All those women had thick, shiny manes, wavy or curly, heavy and rich. My own hair is thin, fine, straight, and limp. No matter my figure, I’d never be a Playmate.

Americans Learning Languages

“The bill, called the International Studies Higher Education Act (HR 3077), reauthorizes about $80 million in funding for international and foreign language study, but with a twist – now the government would allocate more resources to programs that emphasize national security.”

Speaking in ‘approved’ tongues, Kimberly Chase, from the March 11, 2004 edition Christian Science Monitor

Language professors are reported to be up in arms, but selective funding of language study is hardly a new phenomenon. My bachelor’s degree was partly funded by the US government, at a time when President Reagan was cutting most education funding. Apparently Casper Weinberger (Reagan’s Secretary of Defense) argued to preserve funding for certain kinds of language studies, on national security grounds; I was paid for almost every semester that I studied Hindi and Urdu, including my study abroad year in India.

What the government hoped to get out of this was obvious: On my first visit to the Department of Oriental and African Languages and Literatures (DOALL) at the University of Texas, I couldn’t help noticing the announcement of a CIA recruiting visit to campus, prominently displayed on one of the bulletin boards. Printed into the CIA letterhead were the words: “Central Intelligence Agency – Don’t You Think It’s Time We Got to Know Each Other Better?”

Fitting Clothes

An article in the Christian Science Monitor confirms what I have long suspected: clothing size has nothing to do with body size, and indeed is not uniform even from manufacturer to manufacturer.

I began to wonder about this years ago, when shopping for shorts in a mall. Much to my surprise, I ended up buying a pair in size 8, at a “Petites” store. I don’t think much about clothing, but I do remember clearly that, when I was in college in 1983, I had a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt designer jeans. They were, as the mode of the day demanded, skin-tight, the kind you have to lie down on the bed to slide into. And they were size 12. Ten years and a child later, how could I possibly wear a size 8?

I had also been experimenting with sewing my own clothing. I never got good at it, but it kept me amused while I was home with the infant Rossella, so, during this same trip, we went shopping for sewing patterns.

“What size do you take?” asked the clerk.

I shrugged helplessly, my usual answer to that question. “I have no idea.”

So she measured me, and announced: “Size 14.”

This sounded reasonable, but I was still puzzled about the shorts, and told her the story.

She replied: “The clothing industry keeps deflating the sizes, to make people think they’re skinnier. Pattern sizes have never changed.”

According to the article, the clothing industry now has a lot of new data about the shape of American bodies, which they will use to redesign their styles to fit people better, although it is already clear that most brands will not be altering their sizing to achieve uniformity with the others. So you’ll still need to know what size you are in a specific label in order to get a good fit, a marketing trick to ensure brand loyalty. It works, too – part of the reason I buy a lot at Lands’ End is that I already know what size will fit me.

For me, buying clothing in stores is endlessly frustrating. My basic problem – incomprehension and dislike of most clothing – is compounded by living, travelling, and shopping in so many other countries. European sizes might be uniform across brands for all I know, but I don’t shop enough for the numbers to stick in my mind, so I never know what size I’m buying. Except shoes – I know that I wear a size 39 in Italy and 8 1/2 in the US.

Shopping in Italy is difficult for me because Italian women apparently have a very different body shape than I do. Judging by what’s in the stores, Italian women when young are thin and straight – no hips, not much chest. In middle age they become barrel-shaped. Either way, the clothes don’t fit me. (Luckily for them, they also don’t have the stomach curving out in front that I have.)

The best solution to the clothing problem for me has been custom-made, in India, where wonderful fabrics and talented tailors come very cheap. I still wear a beautiful skirt and jacket of black raw silk that I had made back in 1986 – it’s almost too dressy for business occasions. Unfortunately, I haven’t had enough time on recent trips to India to pursue this solution. And people wonder why I dress like a slob.

The Bride’s Bouquet

A year after we met, Enrico and I attended the wedding of two high school friends of mine (I was a bridesmaid). At the end, I stood among the other unmarried women while the bouquet was thrown. I wasn’t particularly keen to catch it, and am no good at catching things, so I didn’t even raise my arms. I looked up, watching the trajectory, as the bouquet arced high and then fell – straight down into my startled face (good thing I wear glasses). It bounced off and into my hands, and so I “caught” the bouquet.

I took the accidental and unsought catch as a sign that, whenever I did get married, there would be something unusual and surprising about the circumstances. Turned out I was right about that, too. But that’s another story.