Category Archives: bio

Duchess, a Dog

From 1967 to 1972 my family lived in Bangkok. My dad worked for the US Agency for International Development, so we were officially part of the diplomatic community, with all the rights and privileges pertaining thereto.

One of which was to live in a sort of expatriates’ ghetto, an apartment compound called Red Rose Court – eight or ten rows of three-story townhouses, all rented by falang (foreign) families. This little village was administered by Orapa, a Thai woman so fierce that her title – “landlady” – was synonymous with fear (for me, at least – I was a timid child).

Red Rose Court had a large driveway running its length, on one side bordered with a tall hedge of red – not roses! – hibiscus. The main gate opened onto the large, heavily-trafficked avenue that was Red Rose Court’s official address. Out the front gate and half a block to the right were a few shops that I was allowed to visit to buy candy.

The back gate gave onto a smaller, dirtier street where I was forbidden to go at all. Both gates were usually open during the day, but by some unwritten rule (I don’t remember whether there were guards) no one came in except people who were supposed to be there. And some of Bangkok’s teeming population of mangy, underfed, abused stray animals.

I was a timid child, but not stupid, and I loved animals. I learned early the trick of: “Mom, it followed me home, can I keep it?” My mother loves cats, so it wasn’t difficult to persuade her, and we acquired two cats that way. Dogs, too, realized that we foreigners were a soft touch, especially compared to Thais, who were often cruel with strays – I had seen Thai kids throwing rocks at dogs, and hitting them with sticks.

It didn’t take much street smarts for any animal to realize that Red Rose Court was a gold mine: 40 families with kids, many of them nostalgic for pets they had left behind in America, and most far more disposed than the locals to be kind to animals. When a small, skinny street dog made overtures, the kids in the compound responded gladly (in spite of our parents’ dire warnings about animals carrying rabies), and showered her with love and treats. She was grateful and affectionate, if not terribly clean. But the dirt didn’t show much against her coat. She was a color that would be called tortoiseshell on a cat; being a dog, she was brindled.

Street dogs all over Asia are much the same (I believe someone has written a thesis explaining why): medium height and light build, very short fur in various colors, lopped-over ears, stringy tails, and, usually, a head-down, furtive demeanour. They are also treated much the same all over Asia: badly.

We kids kept the dog for several weeks, hiding her when grownups were around because we were pretty sure they wouldn’t approve. But Orapa knew everything that went on in Red Rose Court, and she definitely didn’t approve of filthy animals sullying her property. She called in the dog catchers.

Had they arrived during school hours, the dog would have simply and quietly disappeared. But the dog catchers showed up with their big nets – just like in Warner Brothers cartoons – at a time we were all around, and we knew immediately what was up.

Instead of a quiet roundup of one insignificant dog, the catchers and Orapa found themselves confronted with a howling, weeping mob of kids of all ages. Though Orapa tried to calm us by claiming that the dog wouldn’t be hurt, we knew she was lying: in Thailand at that time there was no question of holding an animal at a shelter for adoption: she would simply be killed, immediately (and probably not “humanely”).

We led them a merry chase, always getting between the dog catchers and the dog, with Orapa screaming behind, until they finally cornered us. Then there was a standoff, the dog catchers not quite daring to physically wrest the dog from us.

My mother swooped in like an avenging angel and offered to officially adopt her. I’m not sure Orapa appreciated this – if this lowly street dog was elevated to the status of official pet, she would have to continue to tolerate its presence, and the defeat grated on her.

Duchess, as my mother named her, was one smart dog. Though she hadn’t had any contact with my mother before, she recognized her savior, and adopted our family in turn. She behaved well through being vetted and bathed, and stuck close to home ever after.

The following year my dad was posted back to Bangkok (after two years in Vietnam), and Duchess moved with us to a big house the next street over, a property also managed by Orapa. In a house like this, a watchdog was essential – housebreaking was so common, and the thieves so skilled, that we knew foreign families who lost one stereo after another, and never even heard anyone in the house.

Nothing of the sort ever happened to us. Perhaps because she had been so cruelly treated on the streets, Duchess hated Thais (though she accepted our servants as part of the family), and would attack strangers on sight, no questions asked. Workmen, gardeners, and other legitimate visitors had to be escorted through the property, and no one else got in at all. In our three years in that house, we only ever had one thing stolen: a table cloth that was drying on the clothesline near the back fence. My dad was roused by Duchess’ barking just in time to see someone scrambling over the wall – and leaving a bloody trail behind.

My parents separated in 1972 and I left Thailand with my father to return to the US, while my mother stayed behind in Bangkok and remarried. Duchess stayed with her and Gary til they, too, moved; then she stayed with Wandee, who had been our maid. Most expatriates didn’t try to carry pets from country to country – too expensive, risky for the animals, and in some places simply impossible. A constant theme of the roaming expatriate life is the repeated loss of dear, familiar fixtures in your life such as pets.

I remember another dog that got left behind by a Red Rose Court family. It stayed in Red Rose Court, adopted by another family, but every time a car came down the driveway, it would race out to see if its own, original family had finally come back. It was heartbreaking to see this dog running out, time after time, car after car, ears pricked and tail up with happy expectation. Then it would see that the car was the wrong one, and just collapse in on itself, drooping with disappointment.

I wonder if Duchess acted that way when we left.


Note: I confess that I actually wrote this several years ago, for my friend Claudia who was thinking of putting together an anthology, but apparently never found a buyer. I’ve been thinking about stories lately, so decided to dig out this one and share it.

Whose Story is It, Anyway?

When I wrote about leaving Italy (but not my husband), a long-time reader expressed concern about my marriage, saying that it was clear that my primary relationship is with my daughter Rossella, whereas my husband Enrico is “merely a footnote.”

I appreciate this reader’s concern, but was quick to correct (I hope) his misconception. It’s true that I have written more about Ross, and in more detail, than I do about Enrico. But that doesn’t necessarily reflect the importance of each in my life.

It’s a generational thing. Ross, having grown up with the Internet, shares her life online in a way that is completely normal for her generation, but which leaves her father shaking his head in bemusement: “When I was young, I would never have dreamed of making public some of the things she does, even if I’d had the technology.”

So it’s simply out of respect for his privacy that I don’t write much about Enrico.

This brings up a larger question that has been on my mind for some time: we all have stories to tell, and much of what I share online is, one way or another, stories. But the most interesting stories involve other people, who don’t necessarily want those stories told about them. And I can’t be sure about others’ sensitivity level. While I have rarely or never told a story with deliberate intent to cast anyone I know in an unflattering light, on a few occasions people have been unhappy about what I wrote about them. And there are lots of stories I haven’t yet told out of respect for others’ privacy. Still, I wonder: whose story is it, anyway? What legal or moral right do I have to tell my own tales when they happen to involve other people?

SexMex?

Il Messicano fa parte di una minoranza di refugi-immigrati-clandestini, ma si colloca anche perfettamente nella stragrande maggioranza di uomini coglioni che si trovano, purtroppo, in tutto il mondo. La fregatura e` che questi non vengono deportati una volta che li sgamano…
Chiusos anches questos capitolos!
Un weekend che a parte deludente e` stato anche divertente, all’insegna delle discrete bevute (illegali, nel mio caso).
Un weekend che chiude brevi capitoli sentimentali ma che ne apre di nuovi si spera di piu` duraturi; la mia vita da universitaria, tanto per cominciare! E poi l’amicizia, l’intesa che non ha e non ha bisogno d’eta` che c’e` tra me e Sesy.
Oggi e` il mio primo giorno, arrivo con un po` di anticipo nell’aula 1.204.
Sorrido e inizio a spostarmi verso un banco vuoto, una voce effemminata che proviene dall’Indiano sui 30 seduto dall’altra parte dell’aula mi dice “Ehm…Guarda che qui si studia Hindi…” come per dire, hai sbagliato posto.
Esplodo interiormente. Perche` mai questo non si immagina lontanamente che io sappia benissimo che ‘qui si studia Hindi’ e che sono qui appunto per questo cazzo di coglione?!
Come giustifica una presunzione simile? Perche` sono bionda? Perche` sono donna? Non avevo nemmeno l’aria di una che e` persa!
Mi trattengo, sorrido e gli confermo che lo so.
Sono l’unica femmina a parte un’obesa sui 30 e passa. Di fianco a me Wil, ex militare con la cresta che porta un corno, un dente non so che cazzo al collo.
Di fronte Brent (credo); secchioncello dalla battuta facile e dalla risata isterica alla sua stessa battuta ancora piu` facile. Sta studiando Hindi perche` vuole far colpo su una ragazza indiana…
Il tempo vola tra un namaste e l’altro, di colpo le 10 sono le 15:30.
Esco esausta, non usavo il cervello da un po`.
Sesy mi passa a prendere e mi porta a mangiare qualcosa, a casa ci sdraiamo sul divano e chiaccheriamo per ore. La tiro scema con le solite paranoie sentimentali che le amiche lecchesi ormai sanno a memoria, lei mi ascolta e mi consiglia.
Mi passa lo stress pur sapendo che mi aspetta una nottata di studio, mi passa la rabbia da messicano del cazzo.
Dopo cena ho la testa china sui libri, non lascero` che nessuno dubiti delle mie abilita` di imparare una nuova lingua.
Alla fine del capitolo non resisto, corro in camera per prendere il telefono, adesso il messicano mi sente.
Mi distrae una scatola sulla scrivania con una scritta in pennarello viola: For you, love Cecy.
Apro: un angelo che poggia l’orecchio ad una conchiglia e tiene la mano sul cuore, e` lei che ascolta il mio dolce nulla dandogli tutta l’importanza del mondo anche se, infine, sono solo paranoie da 18enne.

AUGURI ALLA MIA UARIANNA!

E` per questo che odio il mondo vero. Il messicano fa in tempo a dirlo che la macchinetta gli sputa fuori 20 dollari e uno scontrino; e` la seconda volta che cerca di prelevare con la carta di credito che l’amico Max gli ha lasciato, insieme alla macchina e al cellulare.
Preferisce lasciargli le cose e andare a bere con gli amici che fare il terzo incomodo, mi spiega Cristian. E` un buon amico e si fida di lui. Cerco di immaginarmi qualcuno a casa che mi lasci macchina, carte di credito e cellulare…devo ammettere che non mi viene in mente nessuno.
Ieri sera dovevo uscire con la sorella maggiore che tutti vorrebbero, Sesy. Voleva portarmi ad una mostra d’arte dove hanno musica dal vivo e cocktail squisiti (che ovviamente avrebbe dovuto fornirmi lei illegalmente).
L’unico problema delle sorelle piu` grandi di circa 40 anni e` che si stancano piu` velocemente e, dopo aver lavorato fino alle 20, a volte non ce la fanno a tirar notte fonda.
Sono vestita, truccata e profumata; seduta al bancone della cucina con un bicchiere di rosso che guardo i minuti passare sull’orologio del forno.
La mostra finisce tra un’ora e io sono ancora a casa. Finalmente Sesy mi chiama, si e` addormentata e non ce la fa proprio a portarmi fuori. Non c’e` nulla che odi di piu` che essere vestita, truccata e profumata senza poi uscire!
Non mi arrabbio minimamente, ma la frustrazione mi sale parecchio. Faccio in tempo ad appendere che il telefono mi risuona.
E` il messicano che vuole portarmi a giocare a biliardo, ma io faccio schifo a biliardo! Non importa, ti insegno. Mi chiedo come cazzo abbia fatto Sesy a chiamarlo in una frazione di secondo per chiedergli di portarmi fuori, deve averlo sentito prima di chiamarmi.
TexMex mi raccomanda di non essere tutta bella perche` lui ha appena finito di lavorare ed e` conciato; arriva a prendermi fra 5 minuti.
Saliamo in macchina con l’amico Max che piu` che mischiare inglese e spagnolo si inventa qualche verso quando gli rivolgo la parola per nascondere il fatto che l’inglese non lo sa proprio.
Prepariamo il tavolo da biliardo, TexMAX sparisce.
Grazie alla mia capacita` di ridere di me stessa mi butto e inizio a giocare; il mio messicano e` persistente e si ostina ad insegnarmi, partita dopo partita mi svela le tecniche del successo e dopo un paio d’ore dobbiamo entrambi ammettere che sono migliorata.
Ci stufiamo di un suo amico che da quando sa che non siamo fidanzati vuole a tutti i costi portarmi a bere e ballare; e` cosi che Max da a Cristian il necessario per portarmi fuori.
Vuole passare a casa a cambiarsi prima di andare in centro e prima di arrivare inizia a scusarsi.
Stai per vedere casa mia… e` davvero un casino. E` una di quelle portatili, in un vicinato di altre uguali. La sorella ci apre la porta, mi vede e fa come se non ci fossi. Scusami non c’e` il divano… ti puoi` accomodare su una di quelle sedie.
Non so come fargli capire che questi particolari non mi disturbano minimamente; un chihuahua mi corre in contro abbaiando, mi fa lo slalom tra le caviglie per circa 5 minuti.
La sorella esce dalla camera, mi alzo e le mostro tutti i denti in un sorriso smagliante e il ciao! piu` caloroso che sappia dire. Mi presento e lei non sa che faccia fare, come se non le fosse mai successa una cosa simile.
Piacevolmente sorpresa mi stringe la mano…are you my brother’s girlfriend? Sorrido e scuoto la testa, l’ho conosciuto solo l’altro giorno.
Il chihuahua mi ama gia` e Cristian non puo` che spalancare gli occhi quando mi vede seduta per terra col cane in braccio che si fa accarezzare.
Mentre mi lavo le mani lui stira la maglietta poggiandola sul letto della madre che e` uscita; sembra che ci sia stata un’esplosione di prodotti di bellezza e reggiseni a pois; ne e` ovviamente imbarazzato, ma non ha mai visto camera mia!
Il centro di Austin e` una sorta di bordello di neo 21enni vestite da zoccole che non riescono a stare in piedi, sembriamo due bambini con le nostre t-shirt e il nostro alito che non puzza d’alchol, eppure quelli che si comportano da 12enni non siamo noi.
Torniamo a casa e il mondo e` di nuovo normale. Io mi stappo una Corona e lui si improvvisa un cocktail di Cointreau e Mango Tango, il Cristian Tango.
Alla fine Cecilia non lo aveva mai chiamato, non e` uscito con me per farle un favore. Aveva semplicemente voglia di stare con me.