Category Archives: bio

On Having Beauty

Childhood

As a child, I was accustomed to drawing attention because I looked different from most of the people around me: I lived in Bangkok, where Thai women were constantly pinching my cheeks and exclaiming over my fair skin and blonde hair. I assumed they were merely intrigued because I looked strange to them. I didn’t think much about my looks one way or the other; I’m not sure whether that was unusual for a girl of my generation.

Then, around age eight, I started wearing glasses. Glasses weren’t cool in those days, and there weren’t many style choices, especially in kids’ sizes:

pgh 1971c

^ these were called granny glasses – just what a 9 year old wants!

7th Grade

Through the 70s and 80s, glasses styles just got worse.Then there was my hair…
Fine, blonde, and uncompromisingly straight, it would have been “the look” in hippie days. But in the big hair era, it refused to respond to curling irons, and was badly damaged when I tried having it permed.

All this is by way of saying that, during those crucial teenage and young adult years, I rarely had any sense of myself as attractive. Shy and geeky, I also didn’t have the outgoing personality that gains a not-conventionally-attractive girl attention. Nevertheless, I briefly had a sweetheart in 7th grade, until our classmates teased us so much that being together was not worth the bullying.

Studio Portrait, 1984

I was 13 and somewhat behind the development curve of my American peers when my family moved to Bangladesh. During my year there and subsequent four years at boarding school in India, I grew accustomed to either too much male attention, of the wrong sort, or none at all. At school, it seemed as if every boy I got a crush on immediately became interested in some other girl, without ever noticing me.

Okay, yes, I eventually grew into this body:

donning a sari for graduation, 1981

…but I was growing up in India, where local standards of modesty required women’s bodies to be covered by loose clothing.

Woman and Wife

We judge our own looks by the looks of the people we are able to attract. “S/he’s out of your league,” we tell ourselves. Or we feel smug when someone whom the world acknowledges to be hot thinks we’re hot, too. I had a cute boyfriend my first year in college, but my fundamental geekiness kept me out of further relationships until Enrico. Who was (and is) very handsome. Was I in his league? Well, he liked my body, but wanted everything else to change: I should wear contacts instead of glasses, and grow my hair long. This is why, in my wedding pictures, I didn’t look much like the me of before.

Or after. The contacts were a failed experiment: my eyes are too dry and allergic. My fine hair, when long, simply becomes limp. Though I lost my pregnancy weight within a year or two, I ended up heavier than when I got married – and so did Enrico. This seems to happen to a lot of married people. Age? Laziness? Complacency? Or maybe just feeling that no one actually cared what I looked like. I put on a lot more weight when I started traveling for Sun and spending more time in the US: by mid-2008 I weighed around 170 lbs.

Weight aside, I was learning how to look better.

I had started buying designer glasses, and let my hairdresser and my daughter talk me into livening up my increasingly dull-colored hair. 2007
I learned how to wear makeup. Colorado, 2008
And started having fun with my look. 2009 (portrait by Shawn Ferry)

Weight loss is a well-known consequence of divorce. In my case, it could have been taken as an early warning sign. I left Italy in March, 2008, but at the time was not ready to acknowledge that my marriage was effectively over. By January, 2009, I had begun to lose weight, without even trying very hard.

In August, 2009, Enrico and I went on a road trip together to some of the great national parks of the US southwest. I think we both knew this would be the end. We had largely failed to celebrate our 20th anniversary on May 28th of that year, even though we had been geographically together that day: we went out to dinner and he bought me some beautful jewelry – my friend Sue forced him to.

Though I still weighed close to 160 lbs, I was, I thought, looking pretty good. Others had been letting me know that they thought so, too – a novel experience for me. At a Gap store in Aspen, I tried on a miniskirt and low-cut shirt. I twirled in front of Enrico, looking for a compliment – something he had not given easily for years.

“How do I look?” I demanded.

“You’re holding up better than any other 46-year-old I know,” he grudgingly admitted.

Twitter forces me to realize that this incident was confused in my memory with a later one, when I actually put on that outfit to go out to dinner. After days of hot, dusty driving and hiking, staying in cheap motels, we spent two nights at Bally’s hotel in Las Vegas, and I wanted to celebrate the relative luxury. Cleaned up, made up, dressed up in my new clothes, I once again tried for a compliment, some acknowledgement that my husband of 20 years still felt any spark of attraction to me.

The silence stretched. He seemed to be going through an immense inner struggle, as if to say anything nice to me would somehow cede power in the relationship. I don’t remember what he finally said, but, in that long pause, I knew that my marriage was over. I went to bed angry that night, and woke up thinking: “I can’t care anymore what he thinks, it hurts too much.” By the end of the month we had had “the conversation.” Of course this was far from the only factor in our breakup, but it’s important to feel that your partner finds you attractive – and I hadn’t felt that for a long, long time.

Here and Now

December 2009

March 2011

December 2011

I’ll be 50 in November, and I’ve never looked better (for one thing, I dropped another 20 pounds). I’m still not used to the idea but, actually, I look pretty damned good. Which is an unexpected gift at this stage in my life. Will it last? Of course not, at least not in its present form. I may always look “better” than some average of women my age or women in general, but I will certainly age. The alternative is to die young (which I’m currently trying to avoid).

The Future

What about what Belle de Jour once called “the cycle of self-hatred and frantic desperation that plagues many women as they age”?

To me, having beauty feels a bit like having money once did. Twelve years ago, at the crest of the dot com boom, I was making (for me) awfully good money. I flew business class from Milan to California four times a year. I took my family on vacations to the Caribbean and out to eat in expensive restaurants. And I wondered: would I feel bad about myself when the good times stopped rolling?

Which they did. From 2001 to 2007 I spent down my savings as I was less and less able to find meaningful and gainful employment in Italy. I was frustrated and didn’t like going broke, but I didn’t feel any worse about myself. I prefer the security and ease of mind of having money, but it doesn’t define who I am; lacking money doesn’t affect my sense of self-worth (though it causes other stresses).

I hope and expect that I’ll feel the same way about my looks. I’m enjoying what I have now, but it doesn’t affect who I am. Indeed, feeling confident that I am a worthy and interesting person independent of my looks probably contributes to my attractiveness, and that kind of confidence tends to come to women only with age, regardless of whether they grew up beautiful.

Update

Headshots from a portrait session with Shawn Northcutt, April 2013:

Deirdré at 50

headshot in white kurta

headshot with scarf

Into the Belly of the Beast

(Part 4 of Resistance is Futile: The Oracle Acquisition)

 

The “change in control” from Sun to Oracle took place, in the US, on Feb 15, 2010. I visited the Oracle campus in Redwood Shores that day, invited by one of Oracle’s few sanctioned social media experts. As it happened, that was also the day that an Oracle support employee, wildly popular with customers for giving out support advice for free on Twitter and in a blog, was being shut down by the company, forbidden to provide answers outside the official – paid – support channels. It was clear that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore.

Soon thereafter, I was in Menlo Park for team meetings when I discovered that dozens of my videos had been deleted, without warning, from the BTV video hosting platform that had just been rebranded as Oracle’s. My colleagues heard my screams of anguish. I had not archived copies of those videos; that person in charge of Oracle media had not told me they would be removed (I rather thought she had implied that they would simply be rebranded). She gave no reason for the removal, and turned a deaf ear to my pleas that these were useful and perhaps irreplaceable original material, technologists talking about technology. The videos were still on a server somewhere, but I was never able to get a single one reposted. I hope there’s a special hell reserved for those who deliberately and maliciously destroy others’ work.

Her attitude was all too typical of what we experienced across Oracle, both at the corporate level and from many individuals. Oracle had been on an acquisitions spree, buying 50+ companies in five years and assimilating them with brutal efficiency. As far as I could tell, Oracle had no notion that it had once had its own corporate culture that might be worth preserving, let alone care that any of its targets did. That summer I met a former Oracle employee who had quit 18 months earlier, after 12 years with the company. “I didn’t recognize it anymore,” he said sadly. “After all the acquisitions began, it was no longer the Oracle I used to know and love.”

It was made very clear to us all that we were cogs in the machine and should not think too highly of ourselves. The only thing that mattered was profit, which was arrived at by carefully orchestrated process. Time after time we were told: “This is how it’s done here, get used to it” – sometimes in those very words. I had the impression that some victims of earlier acquisitions positively enjoyed putting us uppity Sun folk through the same miseries that they themselves had endured. Cherished ways and systems that had persisted for years at Sun – usually because they worked – were swept away with no regard for anything except The Rules.

Some particularly process-oriented former Sun people thrived in the new regime; most of us did not. For better and for worse, Sun’s creative, anarchic culture was the polar opposite of Oracle’s command-and-control style. It was soon clear that many of us, despite our best intentions to keep open minds and try to stand by the people and technologies we loved working with, would not be long for the Oracle world.

I have to hand it to Oracle: they were very canny about layoffs. Larry Ellison had claimed that “fewer than 1000” of Sun’s 30,000 employees would be laid off at acquisition. This was true – in north America. The change in control in other regions took place weeks or months later for various legal reasons, and many more layoffs happened in those areas, unnoticed by the US media. In some regions, salaries were simply cut so steeply (to match Oracle’s local salary ranges) that people left for other jobs as soon as they could find them.

I suspect that Oracle also skillfully identified the Sun employees to whom they didn’t need to offer layoff packages, because they would obviously quit anyway. In the cases of some that Oracle might have liked to keep, at least as figureheads, any desire to do so was apparently outweighed by Oracle’s structures, processes, and culture. I’ve heard that some special offers were later made to try to stem the exodus of talent, but it doesn’t seem to have worked in most cases.

The first high-profile departure (post-Oracle) was James Gosling, the father of Java, who resigned in April, soon after headlining one of the last Sun Tech Days events, in Hyderabad, India. This also happened to be my last major trip for Sun/Oracle. I had never met Gosling (saw him once in an elevator), but was surprised at how withdrawn and standoffish he seemed in Hyderabad, spending most of his free time huddled in the hotel restaurant.

I returned to the US, finished packing my few possessions in Colorado into my Toyota Rav4, then drove to San Francisco, all within the space of five days, arriving and moving into my new home on April 3, 2010. I didn’t have official permission from Oracle to change my place of employment, but back in January I had had a major meltdown on the phone with my manager. The proximate cause was huge tensions with my Colorado roommate before the acquisition layoffs were finalized (in the event, all three of us in the household survived them). I needed to get out of that house, but it didn’t make sense to sign a lease elsewhere in Colorado when I was ready to move to California anyway. Lynn finally said: “Go ahead and go, we’ll make it official later.” She couldn’t give me a moving allowance or the cost-of-living raise that I would have got if I’d moved with Sun before the acquisition process began – Oracle doesn’t do that kind of thing. Of course.

Fishworks and Me

(Part 3 of Resistance is Futile: The Oracle Acquisition)

Note: This slight detour in what is rapidly becoming a long series on the last years of Sun is another very personal angle on a particular piece of Sun history. As you’ll see, I didn’t even know what Fishworks was until it launched, and can’t claim direct insights into what being on that team was like. But I now work elbow-to-elbow every day with six of the former Fishworks team, so I’m sure they’ll correct and expand as they see fit.

I first heard about Fishworks early in my Sun career. It was probably in the late summer of 2007, during my first extended stay in Colorado, that Lynn Rohrer took me to a meeting between engineering and marketing. This was my first time meeting several people whom I would later come to know better, including Brian Wong and Matthew Baier. (The latter made an impression with his stunning good looks, loud checked jacket, and inexplicable accent.) The meeting was about Solaris storage: the engineering group and set of technologies for which I’d been hired to help with content, blogging, social media, and (eventually) video.

I remember little of what was said, except that someone brought up “Amber Road” – the code name for an engineering project I’d not heard of. A palpable chill descended on the room. “Oh, well, that will never be completed,” someone said loftily. I was surprised at the venom aroused by its mere mention, and asked Lynn about it afterwards, but she didn’t tell me much except that it was a storage project being run by some people I had not yet met. This surprised me – I thought I was working for the Solaris storage group, hadn’t realized there were more people doing storage elsewhere at Sun.

Feeling some ownership of anything to do with storage, I kept my ears pricked. From time to time the name Amber Road came up, but always as something remote and mysterious; I was unable to get any details. (I now know that this was absolutely intentional – it was a stealth project, though clearly word had leaked out. To further confuse matters, the team never referred to themselves as Amber Road – it was the name of a product they had effectively killed that had been foisted upon them.)

In March of 2008 I was hired full time by Sun, on condition that I move to the US. Though I initially chose to live in Colorado, I traveled a great deal, filming Sun people at conferences, and had contact with many areas of Sun engineering – first storage, then HPC, grid and cluster, etc. But never that tantalizing Amber Road project. (In retrospect, it was somewhat insulting that they never got in touch – I was running blogs.sun.com/storage, a top destination among the thousands of Sun blogs.)

By September, 2008, the project had publicly taken its true name, Fishworks (for “fully integrated software and hardware”, and partly inspired by Skunk Works). There was a preview in San Francisco for some members of the press. Someone in marketing had the bright idea to have me fly out and film this (I was cheaper than the official Sun media crew), which I was happy to do. Ashlee Vance, familiar to me from his coverage of enterprise storage in The Register, was present. (For some reason, perhaps his horizontally-striped shirt and boyish look, he reminded me of Dennis the Menace.)

I filmed several hours of presentations: Jeff Bonwick, who theatrically abandoned his slide deck and spoke off-the-cuff; Adam Leventhal; Mike Shapiro; one or two beta customer case studies. After the formal presentations, we all adjourned to a nearby bar for a not-very-well-attended party. I cast about for something useful to do; Matthew suggested that I film Stephen O’Grady interviewing Mike Shapiro. We had to do this on the street outside the bar with buses roaring by and bar patrons chattering in the background; I was pleased that the directional Rode Videomic coped so well.

Later that month, the small OpenSolaris community team of which I was a member ran the first Open Storage Summit, at which Mike Shapiro, Ben Rockwood, and many others spoke. I filmed everything, though some of that video was later lost in the Oracle transition.

Going Viral

Part of my job was to encourage Solaris engineers to blog. One of the ideas we came up with, around October, 2008, was a contest. Soon afterwards I heard that Fishworks was about to be officially launched, and I seized the opportunity.

I wrote to the Sun bloggers’ alias (an internal mailing list which reached the thousands of Sun bloggers), as follows: the first 20 Sun bloggers to post about Fishworks after the official lauch would receive “I’m blogging this for Sun” t-shirts. At the end of a week, the three who received the most traffic would also get iPods engraved with the OpenSolaris logo (we had had hundreds of these made as incentive giveaways for the OpenSolaris community).

It didn’t occur to me to ask anybody’s permission to do this. Bryan Cantrill didn’t know who I was, and I think he was caught by surprise when the bloggers’ alias suddenly exploded with discussion about the launch, including basic “What is Fishworks?” questions. This was probably useful: it gave the Fishworks team a chance to spread the word within Sun about a project that had hitherto been hidden from the world. Bryan responded to the thread with some official wording, so that all the potential bloggers would know what they were talking about.

Others were not so happy about my initiative. Sun was very protective of its bloggers’ autonomy, and some people who had nothing to do with Fishworks feared that I was trying to impose a marketing message. Nothing could be less my style, but these people didn’t know me: one said that lazy bloggers would simply copy the press release Bryan had given us – my silly contest would encourage bad blogging! (I had more faith in our colleagues.)

I was trying to manage all this during an insane travel week: (from Twitter) “San Diego (FAST) Sat-Mon, Las Vegas (CEC) Tues-Weds, MPK (Forum) Thurs, Austin (HPC Consortium/SC08) Friday.” I sat in a weird-smelling hotel room in San Diego, reading the emails and then eagerly following the blog posts at midnight on launch day. Not one of the Sun bloggers embarrassed us: of the few dozen who blogged about the launch, everyone found something original to say, even those who had had no contact with the project beforehand.

I could take no credit – but some pleasure – in the fact that the Fishworks team themselves were well prepared, with multiple posts ready to go. I had jokingly told Bryan that only one of his team could win one of the iPods; in fact, he won it himself. (CEO Jonathan Schwartz won one, too, but his blog always got the most traffic, so I gave out a fourth iPod for that contest.)

A couple of days later I was at CEC, Sun’s big internal conference in Las Vegas, but was too busy filming other stuff to see any of the Fishworks launch activities. I did join an informal “birds of a feather” session on blogging – I made a point of showing up when I realized that two of the people I’d been arguing with on the bloggers’ alias would be there: “anyone at CEC, come to the blogging BoF this evening 8-9. I suspect the fur is going to fly. ; ) [It did.] 1:28 PM Nov 12th“.

During the ensuing heated discussion, one of them tried to overwhelm me with his vast online experience. I cut him short: “I’ve been online since 1982, and had my own site since 2001.” That finally got me some cred with him. (It’s ok, we’re all friends now.)

I also said: “my friends in marketing owe me a drink. Or three. 2:09 PM Nov 12th “I took a lot of crap over the contest to get people blogging.”

After all this, I still had no real contact with the Fishworks team, but I started tracking statistics on their blogs, alongside dozens of other Solaris engineering blogs. This meant that they were included in my monthly increased-traffic contest to win the remaining t-shirts.

I became aware of Brendan Gregg early in 2009, after he and Bryan posted a video that went viral on YouTube. Brendan’s post about it got a tremendous amount of traffic, making him the easy winner of the January t-shirt contest. I read the post, saw the video, thought: “Yeah, that’s pretty funny.” It was actually a bit annoying: I’d put so much work into so many videos, none of which had gotten more than a few hundred or a few thousand views, and then this very casual little piece was a runaway geek sensation. Which just proved the point I had tried over and over to explain to my marketing colleagues: it makes no sense to say: “Let’s make a viral video,” because it’s next to impossible to “be viral” without a very clever creative team and a fair amount of money. If you’re very, very lucky, it just happens. It happened to Brendan, who is now known worldwide as “that shouting guy”.

I didn’t think much one way or the other about Brendan himself – Aussie, geek, round-faced, nothing to get excited about – though apparently other women thought him cute.

I sent Brendan his t-shirt. He took pictures of himself wearing it, then forgot to send them to me.

The Solaris Schism

In February, 2009, our community team ran the second Open Storage Summit, at which a couple of the Fishworks team spoke. This was even bigger than the first one, with dual tracks resulting in many hours of footage – which I was then unable to publish, for an extremely stupid reason.

Unbeknownst to me, there had been a power struggle between the Fishworks team and the execs in charge of the rest of Solaris engineering. The week before our summit, the VP of the group I worked for (who shall remain nameless here) had partly lost the battle: everything storage was placed under Mike Shapiro, who by then was managing Fishworks (to the extent that they put up with any management at all). Said VP would probably have stopped the summit from happening if he could, but it was too late – sunk costs for venue, etc. However, he ordered us never to do anything to help “those guys” afterwards. This meant that I had to sit on some very useful video, indefinitely. I also had to close down the extremely successful Sun storage blog in which I collected links and published storage-related videos. Remember this: it comes up again later.

I did publish one talk that had nothing to do with Sun storage: SETI For The People: Addressing the Challenge of Massive Data Sharing. I had invited Tucker Bradford to speak after hearing his boss Jill Tarter speak at TED (via video, which we got to watch live because Sun was a sponsor), hoping that someone in the storage industry would step up to help solve SETI’s massive data storage problem.

I reluctantly dropped storage from my roster of activities, but found plenty of other things to keep busy with. The Fishworks team worked from a “secret” office in San Francisco, so there was little chance that I would casually run into any of them in Broomfield or Menlo Park (nor recognize them if I did).

Half a World Away

Brendan is Australian, but had moved to San Francisco in 2006, at Bryan’s invitation, to join the Fishworks team. It was therefore bizarre, but perhaps fitting, that he and I did finally meet in Brisbane, Australia.

Sun’s James McPherson had organized Australia’s first kernel conference in July, 2009. I was sent to film it, and Brendan (native son made good) was one of the speakers. Someone at Sun had described the Fishworks team to me as: “A bunch of egotistical trolls holed up in their batcave, despising the rest of us.” That was certainly not my first (nor second) impression of Brendan, nor (as I later learned) did it accurately describe the rest of the team. For the most part. 😉

The conference was a success, thanks partly to my efforts – for which I nearly got fired. Here’s what happened:

The keynote speech for the conference was to be given by Jeff Bonwick and Bill Moore, on ZFS. I knew that this would be the big draw, particularly for the audience I was trying to get onto the live video stream at a difficult time of day for most people outside of Australia. Yeah, I wasn’t supposed to help those guys in storage, but this was for the greater good of Solaris and Sun. I publicized the event on Twitter and my Sun video blog, and got some PR help from people like Ben Rockwood. But I knew that the biggest audience I could reach in a hurry would be found on the now-inactive storage blog (readers had been asking me why there had been no posts on it for months).

So I put a two-line announcement on the blog, telling people where they could see the live video stream of a new Bonwick and Moore ZFS talk. I figured Mr Nameless VP wouldn’t notice, or wouldn’t care, or would understand that this was the best thing for the company – right?

Wrong. Apparently he had a screaming fit that could be heard over half a floor in Menlo Park. My manager, Lynn, saved my job, but I was warned not to help storage again. I have to admit I went right on doing so at that very conference: a new friend with a big storage problem happened to be visiting Australia’s Gold Coast that same week, doing location prep for a movie. He’d been asking me for months to get him together with some of Sun’s storage experts, a number of whom were right there with me. So he came down to the conference, met Jeff and Bill, and joined me at a dinner at which four Sun engineers, including Brendan, happily got their teeth into his problem.

As it turned out, I wasn’t able to film Brendan’s two talks on the final day of the Kernel Conference, because I had to be on a plane back to the Bay Area to attend the Community Leadership Summit and OSCON (still more filming!). I left that camera with Garrett D’Amore so others could film the final day and later send me the tapes.

Hanging out and talking during kernel conference social activities, Brendan and I had discovered that we thought similarly about some things, such as the value of capturing technical material on video. In October, 2009, he came to Broomfield to do performance training of Sun field engineers who were selling and supporting the Fishworks appliances. I arranged for him to give a talk to the Front Range OpenSolaris User Group, titled Little Shop of Performance Horrors (the date was close to Halloween). This was surprisingly well attended, considering we’d had a blizzard with about two feet of snow on the ground.

That was just the first of our joint video productions. On one of my San Francisco trips in March, 2010, we managed to gather Brendan, Roch Bourbonnais, and Jim Mauro – that is, several of Sun’s top performance experts – in one room for a series of short videos. We also got Jim and Brendan talking about the DTrace book that they were then writing. Sometime after that I, too, became involved in the book, first coordinating technical reviews, and eventually editing all 1100 pages of it (minus the code, which I was not and am not qualified to comment on). By this time I was living in San Francisco; I’d chosen an apartment in SOMA to have easy access to Caltrain for my commute to Sun’s Menlo Park office.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting – to Be Acquired

(Part 2 of Resistance is Futile: The Oracle Acquisition)

I, too, received well-meaning advice from several high-profile Sun people: my job would disappear because Oracle “doesn’t do community” in the same way Sun did. This was true: we were told early on that our community work would be handed over to the small Oracle team that managed relations with the wholly independent and self-funding Oracle user groups worldwide. The OpenSolaris and Java beer and pizza parties were coming to an end. During this time, I was forcibly appointed secretary to the OpenSolaris Governing Board, a job I would not have been enthusiastic about at the best of times (having little patience for formal committee procedure) – and this was, obviously, not the best of times for that group.

I performed my various sorta-kinda-marketing activities as a non-coding member of an engineering organization. Again, there was demonstrable value in what I was doing, but the oddity of it all made me vulnerable, especially in a more traditionally-minded company. In spite of Larry Ellison’s loud proclamations that few Sun staff would be cut, I could only agree with Tim and Simon’s assessment that I would likely be one of those few.

In the midst of all this, in late August/early September of 2009, I broke up with Enrico, to whom I’d been married for 20 years. Yes, I believe in getting through all of my traumas at once. (Not to be dismissive of what was obviously a shattering event, but this is not the place to discuss it.)

Meanwhile, we in Solaris engineering had community and marketing activities already planned and paid for into early 2010, so we carried on with a “last waltz” desperation, waiting for the axe to fall. In the summer of 2009 I travelled to Brazil, New Zealand, Australia, and OSCON for Sun. In the fall, I helped run events at Usenix LISA in Baltimore and SuperComputing in Portland.

All this (and more) created so much video footage that I was paying Sun’s professional video contractors to edit my videos. I later learned that this work kept several of them afloat while Sun’s official marketing media activity was being shut down and handed over to Oracle.

We all got a taste of Oracle media and events showmanship at Oracle Open World in October, 2009.

The opening keynote session started with Scott McNealy, Sun founder, former CEO, current Chairman of the Board, and orchestrator of the Oracle acquisition. Against a backdrop of soothing Sun blue, he gave a sweetly elegiac talk aimed at the Sun faithful: “We kicked butt, had fun, didnʼt cheat, loved our customers, changed computing forever.” All true, I supposed, but the McNealy magic failed to sway me – I had missed his heyday at Sun and didn’t really know why his former employees loved him so much.

Scott exited, stage right (or left). There was a moment of silence, then everything turned scarlet, the music changed to a pounding rhythm, and Larry came bounding out. He gave a very aggressive speech in the trademark Ellison style about how the newly combined forces of Oracle and Sun (“but mostly me“) would beat the world – especially IBM and RedHat. At the very least, we were in for a change of leadership style.

I had pinned some hopes on the fact that Oracle’s top executive team was much more diverse (read: fewer white men) than Sun’s. I was particularly prepared to be impressed by Safra Catz, the co-president/COO, who had a reputation as a shrewd, no-nonsense businesswoman. She was stiff and clearly uncomfortable on stage, which was forgivable. But then, in reference to an Oracle partner that does retail analytics or some such, she mouthed a scripted line about “Oh, I love shopping.” Safra! How could you let them do that to you? This chipped away at my hope that Oracle might be ok to work for.

While at LISA, I got in front of the camera for once, in a conversation with Joyent’s Ben Rockwood about “conferences in general, open source communities, Solaris, OpenSolaris, Sun culture, Sun personalities, the value of video, social media…” I’m not sure I actually held out much hope by then that any of those things would be valued at Oracle.

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A day or two after this, still at LISA, I learned that our small team (me, Teresa, and our manager, Lynn) were all being moved into the Solaris marketing organization. I remember half-consciously digesting this information while haranguing a Usenix-hired cameraman (via cellphone from my hotel room) to zoom in on Bryan Cantrill’s face during his keynote talk. I had barely even met Bryan then, but I wanted his video to look good.

When I was (not very often) back “home” in Colorado, living conditions were stressful. I was renting rooms in a large house from a Sun colleague who had recently had her boyfriend, also a colleague, move in with us. Wondering which of us would survive the transition to Oracle did not aid our already-tenuous household harmony. I had never planned to stay in Colorado long-term; I’d intended it as an easier transition back into the US from my quiet life on Lake Como, before tackling the hustle and bustle of Silicon Valley, where I would logically end up for the sake of my career. By early 2009 I had started thinking about making that next move, but the acquisition announcement had put all transfers and promotions within Sun on hold, so for the moment I was stuck.

From the contact we had with Oracle (for us non-exec types, largely via “town hall” conference calls), it was becoming clear that Sun and Oracle were not well matched in corporate culture. One such call was a “we’re number one” pep talk from an Oracle sales exec. I turned to my colleagues listening alongside me in a Sun conference room and said: “When do we all line up for our testosterone injections?”

During a visit to the Bay Area in January, 2010, I met with the woman in charge of Oracle media. It was immediately clear that I would have to fight the “professional vs amateur” video battle all over again; Oracle’s attitude was that only VPs and higher in the corporate chain were worth putting on camera. Not surprisingly, two of Sun’s three video hosting services would be killed off, and the remaining one would be largely inaccessible to plebs like me. “You can put that stuff on YouTube,” she said dismissively. This would cost me a lot of work: YouTube limited me to ten-minute clips, while some of my videos were three hours long!

“What happens to all the material already published?” I asked, thinking of the many hours of Solaris history I had captured, engineers talking in depth about what they had created and why – information that might never be available again.

“We discard it all, not worth rebranding,” she said indifferently.

I pointed out that many of my videos were deeply technical and would continue to be relevant at least until the release of Solaris 11. She grudgingly agreed that I could add an Oracle video intro onto each video by way of rebranding, and keep them… somewhere. Weeks passed before I actually received the file I needed to do this. I spent many, many hours archiving videos from MediaCast and SLX, the two doomed Sun hosts, editing in the jarring Oracle intro clip, and uploading the videos to new homes on YouTube and blip.tv. The lady had told me that the dozens of my videos on the Sun BTV site (the ones the professionals had been paid to edit for me) would have the Oracle intro automatically added, so I didn’t need to do anything with them.

My new director in Solaris marketing was not much of a backer on all this. He essentially patted me on the head and said, “Yes, your little community videos are cute, now go write white papers.” As a rule, I hate, loathe, and despise white papers, but that’s a rant for another day.

 

continues…


Resistance is Futile: The Oracle Acquisition

The thing to understand about the illumos community is that it started out traumatized: most of us went through the baptism by fire that was the acquisition of Sun Microsystems by Oracle.

My own part in all this was very minor, but I had a ringside seat on larger events. I recount here what I saw; your own memories of this history may, of course, be very different!

Part 1: In the Gloaming

I had started working as a contractor for Sun in March, 2007. They liked me so well that, after a year, they wanted to hire me full-time into the Solaris engineering group, as a social media and community expert. When I got the offer, I called up a friend, a VC in New York who’d been trying to help me find work (not easy, as I was living in Italy at the time).

“I got a job at Sun!” I told him excitedly.

There was a long silence.

“Well,” he finally said, “it’ll look good on your resumé.”

“Huh?”

“Jonathan [Schwartz, Sun’s CEO] has been shopping the company all over Wall Street for nine months. It’s only a matter of time til it’s acquired.”

This did not give me pause. A job with a company on the auction block, back in the US, was still better than poorly-paid work or no work at all in Italy. I’d been through an acquisition before, and did pretty well out of it, though I certainly didn’t get rich. How bad could it be? More to the point: could it be any worse than the career stagnation I was suffering in Italy? I took the risk, left Italy, and went to work for Sun in Colorado. My first day in Sun’s Broomfield office was April 1st, 2008.

It was a shock, but not a surprise, when we heard in March, 2009 – from the media – that Sun might be acquired by IBM. Gloom, doom, and rumors of boom followed – and we were already reeling from round after round of layoffs. After about a month of worrying, we learned that we were, instead, to be acquired by Oracle.

At first blush, this seemed like a better fit and perhaps less overwhelming than IBM. I was cautiously optimistic. An old friend of mine used to work for Oracle and had loved the company, only leaving when she moved with her husband to a city where Oracle didn’t have an office. That had been years before, but I kept an open mind, and set about trying to understand what my life at Oracle might be like.

I was working in two areas – community and social media – where Sun was forward-looking. In employee blogging, Sun was so liberal that the hard part was encouraging employees to be as enthusiastic about it as the CEO.

My video work, though instigated by my managers in engineering, had been harder to “sell” to the official media team at Sun. They wanted all Sun video to show (expensive) professional production values, and were not keen to embrace enthusiastic amateurs like myself. There were stringent guidelines and a multi-week compliance process for the use of the Sun logo. As a result, the most successful video ever made about Sun technology contains no Sun branding at all.*

I was not deterred, and found others who thought as I did about video and podcasts. Sun being the “collection of feuding warlords” that it was, there were eventually three different media hosting platforms made available by various groups within the company, as well as YouTube and blip.tv. Over time I used them all to host my hundreds of technical videos. I knew these to be valuable, and had viewing statistics to prove it, so I was confident that my new colleagues at Oracle could be persuaded.

The acquisition took many months to complete, in part because of an anti-trust investigation by the European Commission. But Oracle was confident of eventual victory, and began dictating changes within Sun well beforehand. And, wherever we lacked concrete knowledge about our future, there were rumors, most of them frightening.

Sun.com was one of the oldest domains on the Internet (one of Sun’s slogans had been “the network is the computer”). Over time it had sprawled to 400 separate sites, a jungle that needed taming – but which also contained an enormous amount of computing industry history.

Suspecting that this status as an Internet historical place would not protect Sun.com, I offered my colleagues this advice based on painful experience.

continues…


*NB: I had nothing to do with this video, and only met its perpetrators later, though I work very closely with them now.